Call me old, but I just don't feel the need to party like it is 1999 anymore. Sorry Prince.
As anyone from my younger days can attest, I used to drink a lot (I mean a lot!), but I haven't done so for many years. With all the addiction and dysfunction in my family history, drinking just doesn't hold the same allure to me as it used to in my younger days. Now-a-days, I feel like I am genetically standing in a pool of gasoline, and every drink I take is like lighting a match. No thanks.
I was reminded of this last night when over at a friend's house for a lovely evening. Others were drinking some and having fun, but I just didn't feel like it. It doesn't matter to me that others were drinking, I can still have fun without. It got me thinking...
Years ago, I spoke to my dearly departed father about these thoughts and the threat of addiction for me and he said quite bluntly, "No one ever signs up to be an alcoholic. You don't look at a drunk and say 'I want that life!', it just sneaks up on you. You just wake up one day and realized it happened when you weren't looking and you can't stop. You are never aware of THE drink that put you over the edge." Hmm.
Now, every time I drink, I wonder... "is THIS is the drink that sets my over the edge?" Some internal limit in my genetic code that was set before my birth, like a time bomb waiting to explode? My personal limit that pushes me over the edge into addiction? Suddenly that drink in my hand seems less seductive and certainly less palatable and it becomes easy to put it down. Now don't get me wrong. I certainly enjoy the occasional cocktail, but for the most part, I realize that a water or Diet Coke is just fine for me instead. I don't need alcohol to have a good time and can easily set it aside.
I truly believe that some higher power is looking over me as well. In my third pregnancy, with Donovan, I was stricken with such severe heartburn that I had to spend much of my third trimester sleeping elevated, almost sitting up. My esophagus was so injured that for months after-wards, I continued to have severe heartburn whenever I drank anything, even just a small sip of wine or beer. I have healed in the following years, but still, often if I have more than one or two drinks, the heartburn is almost unbearable. It is almost like Mother Nature is telling me - "You know, you REALLY shouldn't be having another drink." Other times, under less stress, I feel no heartburn and easily have one or two drinks. It is almost like she is saying "Today, it is ok to drink. Just don't drink too much or I will send the heartburn after you." Mother Nature is wise, so I choose to listen to her. Maybe Dad is whispering in her ear to give me a nudge in the right direction.
Went over to a friend's house last night for a casual evening of porch sitting with the promise of available cocktails. Busy week, and at the suggestion of drinks, my stomach gave the nudge that it would surely cause me heartburn. Thanking Mother Nature for the hint, I just felt no need to imbibe in the yummy cocktails, even under peer pressure. My hubby certainly imbibed, and that was fine. I had a good time, but at the end of the evening, kids falling asleep watching movies, and it was time for us to go. I have a sneaking suspicion the rest of the gang all stayed and kept drinking on, which is fine for them. Just wondering how the others are feeling this morning after possibly continuing on without me and Steve. Hope they are feeling ok!
As for me, I am so happy with my life now and my ability to 'sleep in' until 9:30 and feel totally decadent in doing that. Thanking Mother Nature for her occasional nudge in the healthier direction.
Besides - does anyone realize that a martini can have close to 450 calories? If I am going to indulge, I'd rather have a big fat nasty cheeseburger instead, but that is just me.
Thanks Dad, for all the life saving wisdom you gave me, along with your wonderful wit and sense of humor. You are truly missed. I know you'd enjoy that big nasty burger with me.
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