As a child, I came from a family of arguers and debaters. One side of my family is quite bull headed and loves to argue about things. All emotion and passion, and unfortunately, often little logic. The other side of my family is quite bull headed and loves to debate the finer points of issues. All logic and some passion, but often little emotion.
The nightly dinner table, for me, was more than just a feeding trough. It was practicing manners and civility, learning the art of conversation, and accumulating an appreciation of the thoughts and ideas of others through discussion and debate. Often times, we would linger well past the last bite of food and we'd begin a discussion that would lead to a controversial issue. My father, with a glint in his eye, would begin to debate the issue with me and my brother and we would rise to the cause. It was a game to us. Can you prove your point, validate your theory, all through logic? Can you remove emotion, address their concerns and points, then discount your opponent's ideas, all through logic?
To my mother, it seemed like arguing, but it wasn't. He was teaching us the art of verbal thrust and parry, but also, teaching us to see all sides of the issue and respect the validity of the ideas of all, regardless of if we agreed with them. Most of all, he was teaching us to think. As we became better debaters, we would switch sides of the 'argument' regardless of our beliefs, often debating and supporting a side or idea which was not in line with our personal beliefs. An academic exercise, to be sure, but another lesson in seeing the world as other's see it.
As I grew older and the illusion of my Beaver Cleaver family began to fall apart, there was more arguing and less debating. Cases of scotch were consumed, confusing conversations and clouding the issues. Personal topics were brought into the exercise, violating all rules of order and civil debate. I watched slack jawed and powerless as debates turned to arguments, then arguments turned to fights. I learned that fights are no fun. Trust me, I lived through many of them. So, as my domestic world crumbled around me, I stopped joining in the fray.
Years have passed and hours of therapy have been logged since then, and I have come to enjoy a good debate once again. I (try to) choose to walk away from pointless conflict and argument, but have rediscovered the fun of debate. I have drawn firm boundaries with the arguers in my life and actively try not to engage in their game, or walk away (literally or figuratively) when they try to draw me back in to the ugly fray. I seek out smart folks, who love a good discussion and occasionally engage with them, even when their beliefs are different than mine. I have found once again, that a good discussion or debate can be quite enjoyable. There are venues where ugliness reigns, but I avoid them at all costs. The level of partisanism and virtiol has gotten so bad, that I no longer watch television news. It just disgusts me, especially during a political season. So I seek my news in written or radio format instead, sometimes going so far as to seek international news sources to avoid partisanism. My choice to try and quiet some of the hate-speak and intentional agitation.
Unfortunately, especially with the elections once again rearing their ugly head, I find more arguers nudging back into my life and squashing out the debaters and conversationalists, particularly on Facebook. Some are professional agitators (literally, it is their job) who just want to stir the pot and make people angry. Others are ranters who are upset about the state of the world, and justifiably so. I respect their opinions and sometimes may agree in part. But in my mind, endless ranting wastes energy that you should point towards a solution. Some just think it is fun to argue. I don't.
People have every right to post what they please, clarify their position, support their causes and passions, and rant all they want, but sometimes, it gets to be too much for me and I don't want to see it on my thread. Occasional friendly banter ~ OK, I am good with that. As I said, I love a spirited debate as long as there is respect on both sides, and acceptance of the validity of the ideas of others. But I am choosing to walk away from threads that spiral on into tit for tat spitting. Also - threads that are filled with anger, or an endless convoluted trail of chatter that is going nowhere and only irritating or enraging those involved. Those will be removed from my view or my feed, and if I am the owner, possibly deleted entirely. That is not debating to me, it is not even bantering, it is arguing and baiting, and that is no fun for me. Too many painful memories, so I choose to walk away. Nothing personal. Continue your rants, if you wish, in your own venues, I just don't want to see it in places that I can control.
So if in the next year, you see me dropping off fiery threads, or removing things from my wall, or not answering posts that you think I'd be interested in discussing, it is nothing personal about you or your beliefs. I don't mean to censor. Feel free to carry on your discussion elsewhere. I just choose not to engage in quite so much negativity with no purpose. It is merely an act designed to preserve my sense of happiness and mental wellness. I remember the days when the debates turn to arguments, and those turned into fights, and I don't want to go there again.
Thanks all, and happy debating.
