5 ft Ninja Street Thug - that be me.

Ok - picture this. 

Me, in all my 5 ft tall glory, going all business style in a black dress and nice shoes, standing at the corner light, holding a salad, on my way to meet my hubby for lunch in Freedom Plaza, diagonal from the Willard Hotel. 

Location:  Downtown DC, prime tourist central.  11th and E.  Just north of Penn. Ave and all the Smithsonians, 1 block from FBI building, 1 block from Ford's theater, 3 blocks from the White House.  Surrounded by busy professionals on their lunch breaks and tourists looking at maps while waiting at stoplights.  Oh yes, the occasional street hawker trying to get you to give him a dollar or see the light through Jesus.  Normal Day in DC.

Time: High noon. 

For those of you who aren't familiar with DC, this is about the safest time and location you can experience in our fair city.  The Business District has come a long way since the Barry years when Hizzoner, Mayor for Life, let the city crumble while he smoked crack with hookers.

I am standing at a stop light, with my yummy salad in hand, when I notice a family of 4, obviously tourists, scanning the map.  All 4 members of the family are pointing in different directions, debating which way they need to go to make it to their destination.  I let the debate continue for a moment and when I see no resolution in the future, I decide to practice my tourist karma and ask if they need help.

Me:  "Are you lost?  Where are you going?"

Entire family of 4 shuts up, turns in unison to stare at me as if I have just accosted them with a gun, and both mom and teen daughter step back and hug their purses to their bellies as if I am going to grab their bags and run off, holding my salad during my get away.  Dad looks equally terrified.  Brave Young Son just looks at me.

<silence>

Business guy next to me snickers behind his Kindle, while pretending not to blatantly laugh at tourists terrified by small elf in a black dress.

Me:  "You are holding a map and obviously a bit disoriented.  Can I help?  I work down here and am pretty familiar with the area.  Where are you going?"

<silence>

<internal monologue>  Seriously?  You see me as a threat?  A portly, 40 something, well dressed, 5 ft tall business professional? You people are in serious trouble.  I shrug.

Me: "Just trying to help out."

Brave Young Son:  "Ford's Theater?" 

Terrified mother grabs his shoulder and pulls him back a step as she continues life grip on purse.  I wonder if she thinks I am going to attack Brave Young Son by throwing the cranberries in my salad at him.  Perhaps the nuts as maybe he is allergic.  The salad is my only weapon.  Maybe they think I am a ninja disguised as a business woman.

Me:  "You are almost there.  One block down and one block up to the left, right next to Hard Rock Cafe.  Watch out for the bus traffic on 10th." 

<silence>

Light changes and the family takes off, studiously not looking at me.  No thanks, not even a nod, although Brave Young Son looks around Mommy's arm and death grip, then smiles.  Cool.  I don't mind, as I know tourist Karma works. Someone will help me out when I need it in a strange city.  It has happened before.

But...the naughty side of me briefly wonders if I should yell at them to watch out for the old homeless guy who stands across the street from the FBI building and yells at the lamp post.  He's as harmless as me, but if they can't handle me, he will make them lose their minds.  I restrain myself.  Too nice a day.  On to lunch with the love of my life. Karma duty for the day, in the books.