A note about DC traffic to the Angry BMW driver on the 14th St. Bridge this morning.

Hello sir.

I can tell by your flailing arms, bugging eyes, bulging neck veins and specks of spittle flecking your interior windshield as you yell, that you are displeased with the state of DC traffic this morning.  I can also tell by your rage-infused sense of desperate urgency, that you are SO much more important than I am.  Judging by your pompous car and over-inflated sense of self importance, I am betting that you are a lawyer, late to your hearing in court, and I am sorry for your situation. 

I am truly sorry that lowly middle class workers like me have the audacity to block your way and hinder your progress to your vitally important court date this morning.

Let me clarify a few things for you.

1. DC traffic is bad.
2. DC Traffic is worse in the morning
3. DC traffic is even worse when it is raining.
4. DC traffic is even WORSE when the morons at the World Bank are meeting and blocking half of the city streets with their security cars and limos.
5. Honking doesn't help.
6. Repeated honking (for 15 minutes straight) doesn't help either.
7. Yelling at your windshield and beating the steering wheel won't help, but it makes me giggle a bit at your futility and wasted rage.
8. Following me 3 inches from my bumper won't make me go faster, in fact, I may slow down because of it.
9. When there are 137 cars in front of you, spread across four lanes of stopped traffic, on a bridge with no exits, there is nowhere to move that will make things go faster.  No matter how many times you honk your horn or beat on your steering wheel.
10. When you finally DO get that free space to pull off into a turning lane, it really isn't necessary to travel that one block at 70 miles an hour, scaring the tourists (who had the light by the way) walking in the crosswalk.
11. I had a friend hit by a car while walking in a cross walk by an ass just like you, and it almost killed her.  If you had hit those tourists, I would have gleefully testified against you in court. 
12. Turn signals are on the car for a reason.  Use them please.

I am glad you didn't have a heart attack, though I can tell you were close.  My natural morality and sense of goodness would have required that I save your life by stopping (in the rain and making traffic even worse) and giving you CPR, when in reality, my first instinct would be to pull a Jack Nicholson on your windshield with the baseball bat in my trunk.

Thanks for your attention, and just a quick wrap up... DC traffic is bad.  Repetitive honking doesn't make it better.

Happy Friday.  I hope you lost your court case.  Mkay?Thxbye