Eats her weight in food daily, and poops out same. The voluminous toxic fumes emanating from her girth will be excellent for any household projects requiring the peeling of paint or clearing out of guests who have over stayed their welcome. Will replace any Roomba vacuum cleaner as a green alternative for cleaning food debris from the floors, and requiring no electricity to run.
Her delicate sensibilities will not allow her to step on grass that has been dampened by dew, let alone the monsoon-like rains we have experienced of late, so she loves to pee in the house. Will steal stuffed animals and random shoes to hide in the compost pile, as long as the grass leading to the compost pile isn't wet.
Loves kids, adults, and other dogs, especially those that will hump her repeatedly as she is definitely not an alpha dog of the pack. Is afraid of cats.
Suffers from separation anxiety so if she is separated, even momentarily, from her family 'pack' by any door, she will endeavor to break or chew through it. Bathroom doors included, so expect no privacy. That failing, she will stick her nose at the bottom of the door and snuffle loudly, non-stop until the barrier is removed.
If left outside in the yard, she will dig under, chew through, or use her stubby little legs to throw her barrel chested body against any fence until the fence breaks. Then she will gleefully trip trap through THAT wet grass, to experience some freedom and deposit more loads of welcome goodies on the neighbor's lawn.
Loves to bark at other dogs who dare to walk on her street. Will make a good burglar alarm. When the burglar trips over her dormant, snoring, farting, sleeping form, he will fall to the ground, where he will either scream or be immediately asphyxiated by her foul farts.
Any takers? Available for immediate delivery.
"Barrel chested body." LOL.
ReplyDeleteROFLMFAO!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, and thanks, but no.