And then...exhaustion sets in...

This summer has been lunacy.  And I have allowed it to happen.  I am exhausted and set myself up for it, like teeing up a golf shot.  Too busy, as usual, and all due to my own over scheduling.

I am caught between my desire to simplify my life, and my desire to have the kids do fun things.  To let them catch up on summer travel missed for the last several years while I spent 9 hours a day in the pool.  And I must say I am motivated by my guilt at moving my children away from various grandparents - stationed out in the Mid West.  Is it my duty to make sacrifices in order to get the kids out to see relatives that are far away?  I think so.

Each trip that I have taken has been wonderful and I wouldn't have eliminated any of them, but man, am I tired!  What I would eliminate is the driving, driving and more driving.  To recap my travels in the last 30 days and those to come in the next couple weeks... 

• Starting July 4th weekend - The trip to Indiana was a lovely reminder of my childhood and definitely an eye opening experience for my totally city-fied kids.  Grandma Dawn and Grandpa Gary spent a wonderful long weekend with the kids, even during an extremely trying and emotional time spent dealing with a tragic car accident involving Dawn's nephew.  Despite the traumatic events, the kids were not aware of any problems and had a great time.
• The trip to Michigan was full of joy and peace too, spent with Grandma and Grandpa Otto, looking out onto Lake Huron.  It makes me want to buy a home on the water and have my kids spend all summer there every year.  I found myself trying to figure out ways to re-order my work life, and wire the Sue-Ann cottage for technology so that I could spend more time there next summer.  Perhaps really, really relax, for once in my life.  We shall see what happens next year.  I was lucky enough to miss the horrific heat wave that roasted the whole country, it seemed.  While others were sweating it out in 120 degree temps in DC, we were uncomfortably hot at about 88-89 degrees, but still cooled by a lake breeze.
• Dropped the kids off in Ohio on the way back to DC, so that they could spend the week at Camp Defiance (grandma's house) with all of their cousins.  I drove home alone, which was actually kind of nice.  But had to turn right around the next weekend to drive back and pick everyone up.  *sigh*.
• This weekend, I go solo (thanks to my loving hubby) to the Outer Banks to spend the weekend with an ISR buddy who lives in Kitty Hawk.
• Then the week after, off to Seattle for Jen and Barb's wedding, with the whole family in tow!

Zoiks!  Then I will have a week to rest before school starts.  Crazy.  Where did the summer go?  The Year of Me is well over half done and I don't feel anywhere close to the serenity and focus that I hoped to acquire this year, not to mention weight loss and exercise.  Kind of difficult to eat well when frequenting the service plazas along the OH and PA turnpikes for most of your meals.   BUT - would I trade any one of those trips?  Absolutely not.

Shall I look forward to a September reboot of the Year of Me, and hopefully I can finish it out on a smoother path than this year so far?  I doubt it. With the Little Man starting Kindergarten, me being a troop leader for Margaret's Brownie troop, and the resumption of all the sports and after school activity, I am not expecting a huge life change, but hoping for a little.  So what do I do?  Quit being a parent?  Do nothing and sequester my children in the home after school?  Or just focus on keeping the chaos as low as possible.  I think I will have to choose option 3 - and keep as chill as possible, rolling with the flow.

I guess instead of limiting myself to the Year of Me, and being disappointed in myself for not completing as much as I wanted during a set amount of time, is just setting myself up for failure.  I just need to take baby steps in the right direction.  Keep daily trying to push forward and make things better, bit-by-bit, day-by-day.  Maybe all of Dad's training was right.   Take it one day at a time.

So tonight I accept the fact that I have done too much this Summer, and am not done yet.  I have earned the right to be tired.  So I go to bed early, and wake tomorrow with an attitude of doing the best that I can in that one day. With discipline, effort and a realistic schedule, I can get closer to keeping my sanity. I will schedule time for me, and next Summer, I will try to listen to the Best Husband Ever and make the travel schedule a little looser.  Baby steps in the right direction.  Good night.